Choosing your bridesmaids is a very important decision. They are after all going to be by your side through the planning and the big day itself, so you want to make sure they’ll have your back at the wedding day front line.
You may have a host of family and friends expecting or assuming they’ll be asked, and maybe even a childhood bestie you promised the role when you were 9. Who, though, should be in your bridal train? Let’s help you decide.
1. How many?
While there is no number set by etiquette, most people agree that twelve is the limit. That’s more than a soccer team so fair enough. The actual number should be determined by how big your wedding is. Also, remember the implications of a bigger train – more potential for complications with dresses and the shower; and you’ll have to pay for more bouquets and accessories. Also, even though an even number of groomsmen and bridesmaids is nice, it’s not a rule so just get creative with your processional.
2. Go with blood Your sisters and his
Try to include them all. Your friends love you and have been through a lot with you but family is family. Even if you’re not close to your sister-in-law, you’re marrying her brother so she will always be a part of your life.
3. Who should be MOH?
The role of Maid of Honour comes with a lot of responsibilities. She plans the bridal shower, helps with gown selection, manages meltdowns and stands in for the bride when she simply cannot deal with vendors and bad situations. This has to be someone supportive, available, decisive, efficient, and maybe a teeny bit scary. If you have two BFF’s and have to pick one, make it clear to the other that you chose solely based on these qualities, not out of more love.
4. Break the mould
You can have two maids of honour if you want to. Why should you even have to choose? Just give them clear, different assignments. And who says you can only have women in your train? Your male BFF can be a bridesman. He shouldn’t be left out just because he’s a guy. In the same vein, your groom’s female BFF can be a groomswoman/groomsmaid.
5. Don’t feel obliged to return the invitation
Just because someone asked you to be in her bridal party doesn’t mean she has to be in yours. It’s your wedding, not a holiday card.
6. Don’t assume
Don’t neglect to ask her just because you think she can’t afford that dress. Just create a situation where she feels free to decline if she wants to. Tell her you really want her to be your bridesmaid but you understand the financial implications, so if she cannot do it you’ll understand. Let her decide and gracefully accept her decision.