Wedding Diaries: Our First Huge Fight
We are not one of those fairy tale happily ever after couples cuz we had our first fight the other day…I was so upset, I felt like kicking Demola in the head…lol, I would really like to see that happen, I usually run when I see a lizard, lol.
So what were we fighting about? Right, Demola is fond of "not showing up" without any explanation or call. He would ring a day before to tell me, he's coming around the next day. So an excited Dunni would be at home waiting, running to the door when the doorbell goes off or running to the window when a car honks at the gate. Usually when it’s about 6pm, I basically just give up…
If you have ever been stood up, then you would understand how disappointing and sad this is…but imagine this happening on the average of twice a month….OH MY GOODNESS, VERY VERY UPSETTING! His defence usually is, "you should have called when I didn't" and I usually have that look of
"what the heck are you talking about?"
Anyways, this happens again…I'm home on my day off, I could have spent my day going to the saloon or having lunch at Robert Café or Nubites restaurant, but I'm at home and the catch honestly was the fact that he was supposed to bring the tyre rims he bought for my car…so I'm at home waiting, waiting, waiting…and at about 6pm I give up…so I got so upset and sent him a text. Ooh oooh no, you don’t want to know what the content was.
He flips a thousand times over and rings me back. Let me tell you a little about myself, I can start a hassle {fight or tiff} but I don’t ever follow through. He gives me a download of anger, he had accumulated all day from work, when one of his staff had an accident at work and he had to take him to the hospital and also pay a huge hospital bill.
The table then turns…instead of getting an apology, I now have to give one which made me more upset, don’t you just hate that when it happens, they {guys} get us {babes} so upset and twist it somehow to make us feel like its our fault…but you know that the best part of fighting is ‘making up’…ooohh… uuuhm, get your minds out of the gutter…nothing like that, oh yeah, I know what y’all were thinking right. Anyway, we made up over prawn kebab and grilled fish…I absolutely love seafood.
Truthfully, meeting Demola has helped me work on my patience and tolerance level. I have had to understand that I'm the woman in the relationship and he is the man, something I'm not really used to, because I have never been that committed to a guy. I have found a new meaning to the phrase "I'm sorry" and I'm not afraid to use it and most importantly every time I say it, I think I truly mean it.
We fight often now, oh yeah we do, and I'm not afraid to admit to you all, but its okay because I know that we can deal with it and move on.
Oyster Thots,
Dunni
xoxo
hello dunni, i understand
hello dunni,
i understand you saying marriage is abt imperfect people ...bla bla bla. but i believe the imperfect should try to work on the one imperfection that drives their partner crazy...always. i'm sure if u both have dated for so long, he should know by now that you dont love being stood up! hello!!!! who does????? then why doesnt he make the effort to work on that? sweet heart, marriage is about sacrifice!!! love and sacrifice go hand in hand! Just read the bible!
i'm engaged now to a man i've been seeing for almost a year.. though we dated in the past for 6 years!! yeah...six years. we had issues cos i was childish(yes i'm not afraid to say it) and he couldnt take it because it was only going to get worse! (yes it does if the other party accepts it). so we had to take a break. i spent 2 years dating less tolerant men, and i realised i had to grow up!
we're back now, and i'm working on communicating better, while he is working(real hard i can tell you) on making sure i know where he is at all times(that means calling me every 3 hrs at least) because like you, i do not like expecting a call and not getting it.
so sweetie, its not about y'all being engaged now!i pray y'all are working on your differnces now and making the best out of it. but for all the unmarried/single ladies out there, dont lose yourself cos u wanna snag a ring!!! u definitely pay in the end!!!!!
best wishes
Hello Dunni, I appreciate
Hello Dunni,
I appreciate your honesty in this matter. You handle it well at the time. However, there is a yoruba proverb that says "whatever you will not tolorate while you are rich, you don't accept it while you are poor"....I am not saying that you are poor. Basically, it's easier for you to let him cultivate the habit of calling you whenever he's running late. When you get married, it will only get worse because you have always accept it while you were dating. So my sister, believe me, you have the power within you to mode him now before he puts the ring on you!
Remember....We are what we repeatedly do.
Lastly, pray about it. Pray that God should be his first piority, then you as you both are becoming one!
I wish you all the best.
Guys, lets think for a
Guys,
lets think for a minute, where do we draw the line between a really good guy and a terrible one...the truth is, you never can cos you never know someone until you actually spend time with that person...i agree with all these comments. no one deserves to be treated badly especially when mobile phone are supposed to help our lives and communications easier...i think the Demola guy was wrong not to call, but hold up...this article does imply that this incident happened a while back, so i guess the question is, after all that has been said and done, is this guy still like that...i dont think he is cos she wont have decided to marry him right...however on the other hand, let think seriously, is a phone call really strong enough to break up a relationship. i dont think so...we so very often look for silly excuses to get out of our relationships that are good but not perfect...all so we can get into the same rollercoaster...THATS JUST BS! see am sure if it was the Dunni girl that did what he did or probably cheated on Demola...all hell wont let loose like this...we would be trying to justify and probably encourage it
most times relationships shouldnt be entered for unilateral reasons...but should be entered with the spirit of forgiveness and tolerance or else we all would have dated ourselves over and over again.
plus no one knows what goes on in a relationship except them in it...so lets be slow to judge but quick listen...
Dunni you are soooo right to
Dunni you are soooo right to say that"we always have to be opened to the possibility of our partners messing up big time, we are too caught up in the fantasies and insignificant storms that are attached to relationships and marriages.!!!"
Most people that tend to make such ignorant comments have not gotten it yet! Having a relationship is one thing, remaining in one is another..it takes a lot of time, patience (tell me about it!!!) and dedication.
Just like how we mess up sometimes, have we ladies ever thought that 'fall short" of our men's desires, however, a good man is not expected to drop his lady based on a few slip ups here and there (especially with our tongue!), so it should be vice versa also.
We, ladies, have such high expectations and over the top fantasies of our men, real relationships are not based off of Genevieve Nnaji movies, no girls!Real relationships take dedication, commitment and HARD work, on both sides might i add...
ok so, he didn't call, yes she was mad but that does not mean in ANY way that he doesn't send her.
I am enagaged to the BEST man that i could ever ask for...i had my fantasies BUT he surpassed them because my fantasy guy could not have taught me the true meaning of love & patience like the real one has!
Keep on keeping on Dunni...God bless your union..thanks for sharing ur story...makes us realistic women stay sane...lol..
Lol! This is starting to
Lol!
This is starting to look like the case of a fly that is about to follow a corpse into the ground, because it does not heed good advice! What kind of 'love' allows you to rationalise away when the man has NO respect for you? Would he treat his mum, friend or boss like that? Would you accept that kind of treatment from someone who calls themselves your friend?!
I don't know why they do
I don't know why they do that.....yeah, i meant the keeping us waiting and not calling thing. It drives me so crazy! In a way i don't blame them since they are just like that and you have to learn to accept his shortcomings because in the long run, it's not who he is.
I've learned from relationships and i tell myself to keep it in mind for ALL relationships is that the person who made you a promise may fail on that promise but we should not prosecute them till we hear their side of the story and why they could not keep their promise. To sum up, i refer to the quote: "a great marriage is not when the perfect couple come together. it is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences"
i really do not like the
i really do not like the sound of this demola. but you sound sweet though.
Marriage should be long haul. Be prayerful everystep of the way.
best of luck!
D
You're celebrating the fact
You're celebrating the fact that you're in a 'relationship' with a man who has very little respect for you? A man who is more important to you, than you are to him?? One who cannot even be bothered to show courtesy, and give you a 10-second call to tell you he couldn't make an appointment???
haha! your man no send you
haha! your man no send you o!
Jimmy, thats one way of
Jimmy,
thats one way of looking at it...however for MY RELATIONSHIP to work and for US to be happy, i need to look at things in more than one way, though microscopic...its really funny now but it wasnt then...and i can make rational assessment now, i couldnt do that then...I KNOW MY MAN AND I KNOW SAY HE SEND ME DIE!...LOL
he's got you so twisted
he's got you so twisted around his little finger and you just cant see it. he was wrong to not call you when he knew he couldn't make it. anyone who treats you like that has no real respect for you. think about it if it was business or his boss or some other 'important' person, its the very least he would do. but i guess you're not that 'important' to him or he takes you for granted. i'm not saying that you should insult him or send nasty texts every time he misbehaves but atleast he should acknowledge his wrong doing. i excpect no less from my man.
hey Justsaying... like i
hey Justsaying...
like i said to Jimmy...me being twisted is one way of looking at it...but am in this for the long haul and God only knows how long...truth is, i get what you are saying but if i were to treat every hurdle in my relationship with that attitude, i would not be engaged today. i write this diary because i want people laugh but more importantly learn from mi mistakes as i take them on mi journey to the altar in a couple of months.
this was on the site recently- "a great marriage is not when the perfect couple come together. it is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences"...this article was written a while back cos we are engaged now and that particular incident happened well over a year ago.
we always have to be opened to the possibility of our partners messing up big time, we are too caught up in the fantasies and insignificant storms that are attached to relationships and marriages... truthfully, the little storms prepare us for the big ones, but how are we to find that out, if we run at the smallest hurdles
i love that word on marble so much because it reminds me of who we were and who we still are...'imperfect people just trying to live and love...
Dunni, Please do not listen
Dunni,
Please do not listen to the advice of the people who are saying your man does not send you. Every relationship has its challenges, and our willingness to patiently work throuh our peculiar challenges is what determines if we make it or break. I have been married for just three months and I cannot tell you how many times I have felt like this is such a big mistake! But when I am calm I realize that we are two ordinary people from different lives, so we have to pray and really work hard to make US work. All the best dear!
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