Dear Sugar,
I've been living with my sister (Funke) and her husband (Gbenga) for about two years now. Am very unhappy about what is going on in this house. Gbenga's mother has been treating my sister as a slave and always insults her. Last time, I witness Gbenga's brother slapping my sister because she refused to help his mum with her clothes. Gbenga is also not even speaking up about it and I've tried my very best to convince my sister to stand her grounds. She hardly likes to tell anyone what she is going through because of the fear of being seen like someone that cannot handle her home. To make matters worse, one of her neighbours noticed this issue and has been telling her to leave it to God and endure. How do I tell her not to listen to this woman as well? I need help on this, am scared my sister might lose it.
L.M
*names withheld for privacy
Dear L.M,
It's great that you recognise this issue as an anomaly. The fact is that your sister will need all the help she can get before she can liberate herself. This issue has likely taken a toll on her mental health, and, as a sibling, it can be very heartbreaking to watch your elder sister go through it all alone.
However, every action you would take require risks, considering that your sister is very discreet about her issues. Your options vary from:
- Telling her most trusted friend about it who will, in turn, convince her to ask for couple counselling.
- Discuss the matter with your mother to help ease Funke's mind and help her stand her ground.
- Have a family meeting with both parties stating their issues and coming up with a solution.
You must be prepared for the worst to ensure that your sister is safe from mental and physical abuse. Also, words of affirmation, compliments and encouragement can slowly help get her back to her feet.
All in all, the solution must result in Gbenga's mother and sibling leave the house for the time being. It's also necessary that the couple have a personal heart-to-heart if they want to continue in the relationship. During this period, they must set rules to help protect them from external negative influence.
Wishing you all the best,
Sugar
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