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Dear Sugar,
Before this coronavirus issue, my boyfriend took me to meet his mum for the first time. I brought gifts and even went to Balogun to buy Ankara because I wanted to make a really good impression. I grew up with my extended family and it wasn't a great childhood, I was molested amongst many other things (story for another day), so my boyfriend is the only family I have at the moment and he has done a fantastic job of showing me what a good life should look like.
Back to his mum, I was very polite when I met her and gave her the gifts, she was quite dismissive didn't even say thanks, she immediately asked to speak to my boyfriend privately. When he got back from talking to her he was visibly upset, he said her issue with me is that I'm Edo and that Edo people are fetish and into a lot of jazz. It was really painful to hear that as I know he's very close to his mum and even though I know he really loves me, I'm scared he will dump me. What should I do? should I try to see his mum privately? should I just leave him? I'm so confused, please advise me.
S.
Dear S,
For starters, understand that what's happening at the moment is not your fault. Do not drain your mind with negative thoughts that may affect your mental health. It's likely that his mum has had quite a lot of experience with the Edo tribe and has based her judgements like that for everyone from this ethnicity. It's quite understandable, especially in severe instances. The most you can do is to always treat her with love as much as you can.
It's clear that your boyfriend loves you a lot, considering that he's upset with his mum about you. However, the decision is left for him to make. Understand that you're beautiful, capable of love and keep on being the greatness you are. Do not overthink this; since it's a beautiful relationship, there's a big doubt that he'll leave you based on his mum's biased judgement.
In any case, you both need to work together to find the best way to address this issue; ignore external thoughts and ask if your relationship is worth more than other factors (like this one). Are you a perfect couple? Have you both got to the stage where you understand each other? Have you realised that you're inseparable? If you're both aware of this, then the only thing you need to do is to slowly win his mother over. In the instance where she's bent on her personal judgements, remember not to linger on it as you both have your lives ahead of you. So, make sure you make the best decision together.
Wish you all the best!
Love,
Sugar