Dear Sugar,
My daughter just turned 13 a few months ago and about a week ago, she complained that she's been feeling uncomfortable in the vagina area. I felt it was a toilet disease (she starting seeing her period when she was 12) and we decided to go to the gynaecologist.
During her interaction with the doctor, I noticed she was hesitant when the doctor asked if she was a virgin. The doctor had to tell me to leave the room. They did a lot of tests that required them to insert some things into her vagina. After the test, the doctor called me aside to tell me she's no longer a virgin. I've been feeling very bad and I'm starting to see myself as a bad parent.
I've been meaning to ask her a lot of questions about this, but I honestly don't know where to start. I am currently still very dumbfounded and my husband isn't aware of this yet.
M.
Dear M,
Being a parent is a tough job and you must commend yourself on how far you've influenced the lives of your children. You should also understand that parenting is both you and your husband's job, so, you shouldn't shoulder up every setbacks or issue alone. As a parent, your experience growing up is completely different from your daughter's. It's important that you employ dynamism into tackling the issue of her losing her virginity. It may take a lot of warming up to, and time as well, to get her to comfortably have a conversation about her sexual experience (it could be anything from curiosity to even rape).
Even though she's sexually active, it's possible that she's still new to this. In your part, you and your spouse should sit her down to educate her on sex. Additionally, you should focus more on the health issues she may have in relation to her sexual organs, rather than feeling disappointed that she's no longer a virgin.
Again, remember that the society is fast evolving, and as a parent, it's necessary that you get familiar with the trends and use it as a tool to making them more aware, and to ensure that they will always find a safe haven in their parents.
Love and light,
Sugar
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