Dear Sugar,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over three years now. About a year ago, I moved into his apartment and we've been growing our life together.
At first, everything about our communication was great. We always wanted to be around each other and we could settle issues with either of us feeling belittled. Recently things have changed.
I try my best to be into things he enjoys and I’m always there to support him, even in cases where I'm not so interested in what he likes.
I noticed I have become too overwhelmed in his interests and asked him to take up an interest in things I like. But rather than talk about it like we used to, he has suddenly become defensive of things.
I can start a conversation along the lines of “I just feel like we always do what you want. Can you sit down and watch 5 mins of King of Boys with me every night until we finish it?” Then he responds with “guess I’m not a great partner and can’t do anything right I suck” to which I end up comforting him.
When he’s in front of friends he likes to dog on me a lot. He gave me a promise ring that I used to wear constantly. When his friends asked, he said I took it off his bedside cabinet and started wearing it myself.
We had exchanged rings a while ago and it meant a lot to me. But to have him say that about me just made me feel sad. I brought it up a few days ago and he just told me to stop then got mad and left. I took the ring off and haven’t worn it since.
There's this sport I got into after dating him. I'm quite a passive viewer of it and I'm trying to learn more. There was an interview about it a while back and I asked him a question after listening.
I needed to get the facts right rather than listen to just one opinion. Rather than answer my question he got upset, called me stupid and said my questions are dumb. I have shut down since then and it's pissing him off a lot more.
I’m not sure if I’m reading too much into all these situations or if this is actually a problem.
S.O
Dear S.O,
It's understandable to be confused about things especially since you have both been communicating well with each other before now. However, the instances you have placed on here shows signs of him being manipulative. It also shows that he is starting to belittle you.
First of all, you should talk to him about these things. Rather than keep quiet about it, you should have a proper conversation about how his actions and statements have started to get to you.
If it happens that he apologises and promises to be better, look out for the change he has promised you. In the case where this is recurrent, it will be advisable to take a break from the relationship to find yourself first and then be certain about what you'd want in your relationship. It's also important that you realise that relationships that overwhelm you to the extent of losing yourself can eventually become toxic, so you should look closely for the signs in this current one.
Wishing you all the best,
Love
Sugar
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