While growing up, it’s natural for siblings and cousins to have disagreements, fights and even exchange a few blows, these experiences always make for great stories when you are all older. Conventionally marriage is between two people, however here in Nigeria, it’s seen more as a joining of two families to become one.
If fighting with your nuclear family and friends is natural, bringing two families together that may differ in background, culture, habits and tolerances will have a few hiccups.
Quarrels can range from the sister of the bride and Best man having a go at who is really in-charge or the mothers disagreeing on Aso-ebi colour choices, the bride's side wanting an alcohol-free wedding, the list goes on and on.
When faced with such disagreements, the first thing to do is discuss with each party, in a calm non-accusatory manner. Start conversations with questions, listen to their grievances and get to the root of the matter. The Brother of the bride could just not like the “humble bragging” of the groom’s uncle.
In a case when one party has been verbally abusive to another, correct in love explaining why or how they hurt the other person’s feelings so they can bury the hatchet. The key is to focus on making peace and not pointing fingers, to avoid “eye” daggers being thrown about on the big day.
You and your Fiancé should always present yourself as a unit, do not have a single conversation on any planning aspect, with any family member that you both are not united on.
Try to present decisions to everyone at once whether via email chains or WhatsApp/BBM groups. The Groom's mother may feel slighted if she hears the final decision on the reception venue from the bride's sister, as opposed to being informed by her son or daughter-in-law, “We decided” and “We have agreed” must become your favourite phrases.
Lastly, the couple has to remain calm, you do not have to RSVP to every fight you are invited to. Emotions and tensions will definitely run high as your wedding approaches, but it is important to remember to separate your relationship from the conflicts, keeping in mind that the wedding is a celebration of the start of your new beautiful life together.