The High (and Mighty) Table

"Ladies and Gentlemen... may I have your attention please? It is time to call some special and very important people among us to the high table! A round of applause for Chief, Doctor, time governor of...philanthropist..." blah blah blah.

Why do we complicate matters and torture ourselves with this wedding reception ritual?

This is the first step to making your wedding day a sycophant's paradise by taking all the attention from you, true friends and loved ones, and shifting focus to the unnecessary.

The high table was traditionally meant for the bride and groom. The couple, being the centre of attention for the day, was elevated to be in clear view for the wedding party to see and admire. It then evolved to include the parents and bridal train. Now unfortunately in Nigeria, it has been turned into an exhibition stand for the who's who at the party to be seen and heard. Even worse is the endless roll call and accompanying biographies given for each person. Every time I have had to suffer the ordeal that is the high table roll call, I promise myself I will NEVER do this on my wedding day.

So what options do you have? How do you pacify the ego overdrive of the self-publicist rich uncle who is at the party for the sole purpose of such irritating recognition? Two words; play politics.

Keep it old school by sticking to the tradition of only the couple and (maybe) parents at the table. Acknowledge everyone's presence, make sure all your guests are comfortable and end it there. The rest can be done in an epistle of thank you notes if you're that eager.

For the people who unfortunately do not get off that easy... I feel for you, really. Make the torture as short and painless as possible. Try a quick call of names hence the self proclaimed uber important join you at the high table in a simple discreet way. For crying out loud it is your wedding so just put your foot down and make sure the drama ends there!

However, if these suggestions are not an option for whatever reason, my only advice then can be summed up in one very exciting word. Elope!

By Moyo Aderemi

Written by Sugar Weddings