We all know her.
Made up as if she was face painted at the neighbourhood fair but shockingly oblivious to the in-your-face (pardon the lousy pun) truth that her makeup is in fact, wearing her.
We all see her.
We pretend that we do not, and fail miserably as kids blatantly stare, point and ask embarrassing questions we try hard to ignore or even worse answer.
We all wonder... but why?
How can she not know? Doesn’t she have friends that tell her the truth? Or enemies for that matter that use this to mock her?
The sad part is that she is not always that odd looking guest with the adventurous playboy groomsman at the wedding reception, or the weird aunt with the fashion sense inspired by the legendary city of New Orleans (before, during or after Katrina; you choose). No. Worse still, she is sometimes the bride! Now that is what really worries me.
A bride, dressed for her traditional wedding ceremony complete with satellite dish -type head tie, wearing enough jewels and beads to fill a treasure chest.
Her face, powdered to the point of caking.
Heavily eye shadowed in her aso ebi colours.
Brows, darkly pencilled in, giving her a constant shocked expression.
Add the most obvious false lashes that (with a mere flutter) work more effectively than air conditioning.
Plus rouge deeper than a clown’s blush.
And of course lip gloss shiny enough to force everyone in a five metre radius to wear sunglasses.
This is ludicrous even for caricature.
It has been said repeatedly that a bride should not look like a different person on her wedding day, just a more beautiful version of herself. Unfortunately, this simple and invaluable advice is not always remembered or adhered. Some brides choose to go overboard due to lack of guidance. However, it has been noted that makeup artists are sometimes responsible for this heinous crime of fashion.
Being adventurous with makeup is not a bad thing but the fresh natural look is a safe guaranteed hit.
As a woman, your wedding is one of the most momentous occasions in your life and thanks to the advancement of technology, one that you cannot forget or quickly erase the evidence of. Therefore, you might want to take a step back and ease off on the face colour before resembling a badly drawn cut out mask.
By Moyo Aderemi