Happy Holidays everyone! It's festive season and this means unlimited access to
aunties, uncles and cousins asking you all sorts of questions in a bid to catch up
on your life. If you are in your mid-twenties or older with a job and drive your
own car, this question is inevitable: “When are you getting married?”. This
question may be asked even if you are not known to be dating anyone.
In the true spirit of Nigerian tradition, anything can happen! Chuck your
deuces up with these hilarious answers to the dreaded question:
When we decide on whose surname to use
This one is for the people that actually have a significant other. Tease
your family into believing that this is a genuine struggle and watch their
faces crumble into dismay.
When he proposes
This signifies truth because you’re probably not going to buy your own ring
and pop the question to yourself.
When you have a baby
This has to be the ultimate Christmas clapback; it sounds like one of those
memes on Instagram tagged #christmasclapback2017. Clapbacks are humorous
comebacks and are meant to offer the same or a slightly deeper level of
emotional discomfort as delivered by the initiator of the mischief. It's a bit mean,
but it will get that relative far, far away from you.
Next week, didn’t you get an IV?
Add some more cheekiness as your family and friends get confused with this
answer. For comedic effect, if you anticipate this question, you could come
prepared with a fake wedding IV and write the words “just joking” on the
Waiting to become eligible adults
Make your family and friends go crazy with this reply as you focus on the
struggles of life as a corper in Lagos and emphasize not being old enough
to get married. To help push this point a bit further, you could point out
how a 25-year-old in Lagos may not have the same opportunities to mature as
one in another location like the UK.
Waiting to get over my Celeb Crush
Just tell them you’re trying to cope with Idris Elba’s new relationship and
just can’t believe he would go for someone else other than you.
This may be able to keep people at bay for a longer time so you can at
least enjoy the party!